Joke of the Day
To: Latin employees
From: Human Resources Department
Subject: New policy using the Spanish language during working hours
Several visitors to our office have brought to our attention that our
Spanish-speaking employees commonly use offensive language. Such behavior,
in addition to violating firm practices, is highly unprofessional,
offensive both to visitors and employees, and will not be tolerated.
We have decided to implement a series of rules in our office and would expect
they to be applied.
It is expected that ALL employees immediately adhere to these rules:
1- Words like "coño", "carajo", and other such expressions will not be
used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion may get.
2- Non important matters should not be addressed to as "pendejadas".
3- You will not say "la cagó" when someone makes a mistake, or "se cagó en
su madre" if you see someone being reprimended. All forms and derivatives
of the word "cagar" are inappropriate in our environment.
4- Lack of determination will not be referred to as "falta de cojones" or
"mariconerías", nor will a person with lack of initiative be referred to as "pendejo", "mamao" or "comemierda".
5- No Manager or Supervisor, under any circumstances, will be referred to
as "hijo de la gran puta", "ese cabrón", or "ese maricón".
6- When a good proposal is presented, the term "esto está de pinga" must
not be used.
7- Unusual or creative brainstorming meetings will not be referred to as
"pajas mentales".
8- Do not say "como jode" if a person is persistent, or "se jodió" if
somebody is going through a difficult situation. Furthermore, you must not
say "qué jodienda", or "esto está del joyo" when matters become
complicated in your line of work.
9- When asking someone to leave you alone, you should not say "vete pa'l
carajo", nor will you substitute "¿qué carajo quieres?" for "may I help
you?"
10-When leaving the office, using the term "me voy pa'l carajo" is not
proper.
11-When any office equipment fails, it must be reported as "it broke
down", not "se descojonó", or "se jodió la mierda esta".
12-Last but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say "me voy
a limpiar el culo con esto". Just keep it clean and file properly.
Thank you for your cooperation.
HUMAN RESOURCES DEPARTMENT
Thought of the Day
Whenever the Legislators endeavour to take away, and destroy the Property of the People, or to reduce them to Slavery under Arbitrary Power, they put themselves into a state of War with the People, who are thereupon absolved from any farther Obedience, and are left to the common refuge which God hath provided for all men against force and violence. ... [Power then] devolves to the People, who have a Right to resume their original Liberty, and, by the Establishment of a new Legislative (such as they shall think fit) provide for their own Safety and Security, which is the end for which they are in Society.
-- John Locke (1632-1704) English philosopher and political theorist. Considered the ideological progenitor of the American Revolution and who, by far, was the most often non-biblical writer quoted by the Founding Fathers of the USA.
